we're breathing we're feeling we're all dying but also living. what?

by Sky Trillion
June 23, 2014

i am pam you can be my jim and we'll be PB&J.
and i've been clawing the air grasping for any kind of word..any words.
i just want to remember feeling the words in the front of my forehead
tap tap tapping burning burning but you can't be numb if you want to feel
words. #feelingishealing hashtag campaign feel again 2014.
my body hurts
i'm writing and writing but it means nothing and nothing and will you
love me now that i have a job and am making money will you love me now
that i'm having my 3 meals-i'm really trying. i'm not doing well at my 3
snacks but i'm making progress.
they said if you feel good and are on track and are ready to move on 3
times a day and you are angry and confused and stormy and drowning and
ready to never move on ever 5 times a day, this is what recovery is.
that is progress. deep breaths, this is progress. and i don't
want to be sent home from colletch.
there's no limit to the amount of times you can be healed
no limit.
we were the only two at the dance so of course we slow danced and he
tried to dip me so many times and i just couldn't do it i couldn't let
him and i guess that's physical evidence of my trust issues.
my internal storm doesn't just take a break because i'm with friends or
at work or at school or something. that's hard.
you called from the airport and we breathed our plans to travel the world
together and adventurize and you asked me to not get married while you're
gone and you said te quiero which i guess means "i love you" in spanish
but directly translated it means "i want you" or "you i want" and that
freaks me out but actually te quiero tambien.
but do i believe you?
The Fault in our Stars is not a chick flick it's a real life flick gosh
dangit!