Lifeguards

In 1st grade, I was waving. [wave]
In 2nd grade, I was waving. [wave]
In 3rd grade, I was drowning. [wave]

In 6th grade, I was waving again. [wave]
In 9th grade, drowning. [wave]
10th grade, drowning. [wave]
11th grade, drowning. [wave]
12th grade, drowning. [wave]

I didn't become a teacher because I loved high school.

I did it for the money, money, money. [wave, wave, wave]

When I was 12 years old, my mother went to see a fortune teller. The lady told my mom that one day
I would pull a drowning boy from water and that I would spend the rest of my life trying to save
people.

I thought about becoming a lifeguard, but I'm afraid of sharks and I look weird with my shirt off.

So I wear sweater vests to work
and when I see young people waving in the halls,
I look twice to make sure they're not drowning.

Sometimes fortune tellers get it right. And sometimes they don't.

You know what. Excuse me, sir. Would you put your phone away, please? I asked you to hold all
questions until the end. No, you may not use the bathroom. Don't make me call home. Pay attention,
follow along. Don't clean up while I'm talking. The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do. You, in the back, get
your head up. No, you may NOT use the bathroom. Don't make me repeat myself. Don't make me
repeat myself.

(Sigh) Maybe I should've became a lifeguard. Maybe I did.

I mean, yeah, we work opposite seasons. But we have more in common than you think.
Lifeguards and teachers. We got into it for the right reasons. For the children. For the summers.
Parents rely on us and teenagers ignore us. We both have big plans. We're going to save up to buy a
car, we're going to save the world. We were both going to save the world. But we spent more time
blowing our whistles, telling kids to stop running, than we ever did diving in and saving people.

We make less than we should, and everyone thinks we have it easy. Each August adds another five
years to our faces.

But we're not the only ones. No matter what you choose to do with your life, it probably won't go as
planned. Lawyers got into it to find the truth, but they're too busy looking for technicalities. Doctors
got into it to heal people, but they're too busy checking insurance cards. Police Officers got into it for
the chase, but they're too busy filling out paperwork.

We'll spend the next offseason wondering if we're doing what we're supposed to. Then some random
Tuesday, a kid with a shaved head will wave to us, and we'll decided to do it all over again.