You won't even notice that I'm gone

by AndreaLee
October 20, 2014

To him.
You've always told me how I saved you life. We met and exchanged
numbers, but what I didn't know is that you had severe depression. And
your deadline was in 7 days.. you have no idea how happy I was to know I
gave you the gift of procrastination.

We were best friends and you told me everything. We loved each other in
an inescapable way. Basically family. And that's why I wasn't allowed to
love you differently. But I have bad habits, so I loved differently anyway.

My best friend came into the picture and it seems the 'best friends brother'
thing really intrigued her. And again, I have bad habits, so I told her she
could have you. And you loved her. That hurt. Bad habits really do die
hard.

You broke her heart, but her leaving broke you. Literally. You became as
monotone as Mr. Hinton. Or rather, more so. And you never show any
emotion anymore. I tell you I'm here for you. I promised I won't leave. I
love you. And all I get is an 'I know'..

I won't leave   I know
I love you.      I know
I promise        I know
I won't leave..
….I love you..
.. are you even there? I feel as though I'm talking to a computer.. Please,
what's wrong? Just talk to me.. do you even care..?…
Please come back

… please..

You're hardly around anymore, the only emotion I get from you is when
you talk of your unrequited love for her. The rest of the conversation only
consists of one-word replies. You only have questions when they're about
her. And all the answers to my questions circle my numbing body in "I don't know's..

I'm sitting here wishing you would come back. I'd do anything to make you
feel something, even if you hate me by the end.. It would be better than
nothing….

"If I were dying, would you do everything or even anything to save me, or
would you just cry because I was dying?"

"I don't know"

Do you even care anymore? There was a time when you pledged your life in
place of mine. Now you don't even know?

I think the worst thing about this is you mean the world to me. I'd give my
life just for you to live again. I crave your smile more than Nutella. I
think about you every night, worrying about you, laughing at the
memories through the frantic tears. And I still want you, you who no
longer wants me..

They all tell me to let you go. And we both know I should. It would be best
for me to turn away, run, and never look back…

And it hurts, because we both know

You won't even notice that I'm gone.

-JQP